Things get distorted here.Gotta look beyond the obvious

It was another week without meeting her.I dont think it can be often like before.I was told that she is seeing someone else.Without her around .The world is being grey seriously.

Boring night with boring hang out.Meet some newbies and chit chat.That just make me think of how much fun hanging out with her.Its fine to have a chat but you wont have a really good conversation tho .Especially those puffing idiot .An uncountable gossips that I try to avoid.Cant just people having fun and being easy?Maybe thats the least possible things can happen here .Seriously,I get bored when it is being a gossip nights and they making problem to themselves.I just remminicing the good times hanging with her .Talk if needed,Dance if needed,No shits and the feeling being forget the world when seeing her ...............................

I gotta say it was stabbing hurt.When I have to know that she is thinking to get back to her ex. I was indeed speechless for quiet awhile,frankly.I wouldn't say she like me at all .She don't see me like the way I see her .It was always me that want to see her and keep asking her out.I seriously think that she never recall me whenever she need a chill time or accompany.I am not jealous persons but still sad to know that she get so many to hang out with at her top priority.

I didn't hate about my work schedule before knowing her .But I did when I meet her few times.Every time I can just do weekday date for a rush and inappropriate time of hers.I hope we have a common holiday and I can ask her to go somewhere else.I think that's the only way things can grow,especially a feeling issues.Somehow I was thinking will that be a different story if I was just knowing her from somewhere instead of a club.People don't usually be serious with the people they know there mostly.Maybe that's her perception on me too,by knowing me there .I'd rather that I knew her from somewhere else and things may at least still alive and rolling but not a dead-end like this .

The saddest things was always like you know you fail without a real trying .You just hate yourself to learn this truth and suffer.I miss those days when i first know her and meet her for awhile.All the things are so alive and feeling good .I see things change ever since then... I don't know the reason why or maybe she see somethings going on from me and she is trying to send some signal stopping things happen.

Feeling so much unsure of what I am doing and what I gonna do to make things work .For all days I been being nice and didn't ask things in return .I never blame on that .It just sometimes I want somethings too if it is real nice .She is the only things in mind I wanna get close and get knowing more ....Seems getting further now..............SIGH...

This evening sucks.It suppose to be a cool chilling day after her working days for the week.Plus her fun casting days.I am thinking to hang out with her and talk and get to know better of everything. It turn out to be a quick meeting and she get another plan.I cant say I am happy for that and see this coming .I am not those blaming persons but just way too disappointed.When she say she is coming out.I was like "yes" IT gotta be good after a long day ,not untill she leaving in 10 mins.It somehow shows she need the time to the persons she wanna being with .Whoever they are is not important .Just that I cant give her those attention.I just realized that I was never within any priority and she don't see me the way like I seeing her.It's a loud and clear message for me.Either try harder or holding bad .I need to figure out after this rough night.Try at least. I won't say wish me luck.Luck wont get me somewhere if she is not seeing me that way.Isn't it ? But I guess at some point tonight I will be way too disappoint or at ease...I guess I will have a better look of what the hell is going on with me,rather than just move on and get over that cause i don't really want it that way.I hope I can be a fighter for that as she is really good one .Lord,Please give me one more times to make it right !!I really need that

I definitely don't know what I am doing today.A great deal of distraction has encountered.Sitting and reminiscing all the good times few hours earlier like forgetting the world for the whole day.I tried things to take my mind off this but it just can't work.I'd be happy to keep my hands wide open and fall to this if this gonna be something coming true and if i see the possibility.Somehow it is like a big struggle..I cant risk if things can't work and ruin all these good feeling.It will be myself to blame for all this if I really change things in nature while they suppose to be healthy and good.She is what I feared most she would be and tried to ignore.I can't afford seeing this happen.

She is so nice especially when she make herself so much special among the people I'd met and I acknowledge all of that.I can just point out how nice she is in any second if I've been asked.Things are good enough and I satisfy with that.A woman with her quality can be bitchy and an mean evil anytime she want.But she didn't do any of that.Instead,she just being nice,friendly,respectful at all time.Can't ask for more.I am so addicted to all the rountines doing with her .The only thing is will she be having fun with that too?A friendship or whatever words describe the moment right now.That's what all people want.I am blessed I have the chances to feel this.

If what people say woman is sensitive.That would be easy for her to sense someones had crushed on.The last thing I want to see ,is she shunned me if she not feeling the same way that I do.

Everytime I see something real nice I start to keep real good distances in case it will broke.How irony is that ?Ever since I get this feeling,I been spending hours to figure out if I missing anything before I am good enough for that.I can't seem to grasp what's missing and I never do.Its like a abyss I am in.I don't think i will keep hope up to things which I really suck at this.Millions of times before I think things are on track and in the next minute it derail to somewhere I didn't see going eariler.Maybe just keep what things used to be and how it will be.Better this way......

If patience is a virtue.I think that's what gods offering me and I willing to spare all my time just waiting for this

Even no dancing in the middle of the night can be nice.Its a nice evening especially if I have a real good time after a long day work .

It's been real good to make new friends and listen to a so-called " stranger" experiences.All my friends and someone I like hanging out with ,seems come from this kind of match-up.It's start with a disappointment when her friend is leaving after the exhaust days.Yet,it is still good to have a glance and some hand shaking and little introduce.Hope to hang out more with her "gang"

Haven't been feeling so good for while ,especially the whole place is packed and all the familiar faces is upcoming.Just that some guys from the neighborhood drop by and saying like a fortune - teller telling.Having talk like" I watch you with her over tables and you guys are so much in common from appearance and behavior and you guys better be couple and he love to see that one day" .Couldnt agree less when I was thinking he is some drunk guys and pleasing,something like breaking ice talk .Not after he keep saying the millions face that he see and the examples he is suggesting .Start to agree more and bear in mind .I guess that is the first time I start listening what a drunk guy saying and try to look for the hidden meaning he is telling that .Am I just neglecting the things I dont see but they do...

The only bad thing is the party over too soon .I still have some rooms for more shots and alcohols ..XD ..So looking for the next hang out !!

Things are going crazy,which myself enroll being part of that maybe. That make me feeling like I need to get out of here and the routines.The ideas have been crossed in mind for real long time.I dont think I Can do more routines when i am more like spontaneous. Even if it is not a big changing.Yet,a little bit changing of circumstances and surroundings could help hopefully.Things must happen or alter or I am going to be in the same miserable position forever. Sure it will suck, and be depressing and really hard initially, but nothing can get better until a simply change ...

Holiday is bored.Especially after a long night and absolute no sleep.

Holiday seems meaningless to me.The shifting working hour seems offer me a chances for experiences more.Different friends,different kill times etc.I am starting to do things I used to do in holiday and re-scheduled that doing in a regular work day.Especially when I am cutting off some resting times.I actually buy more times.

I like hang out these days.The peoples I met these days seems cool and fun enough .Different apart from the regular crowd.Enjoy the time with her or them.

I like the small streets and a descent roadside tavern.Drink is the same even no music at all .The conversation just count it in what makes a good time!I like it when every small talks is doing fine.A conversation but not just talking.Cherish the happy hours that done and wish doing it more.I have no idea of this,if it will go well like that all the time.Especially all these years I see and be in.All the good time can vanish in a blink of time.

Something bothering me for the past months and I start to look into it .It was some problems that brought to a friend about some serious choices she has to made.Hate to say this but I dont really think this the whole things should happen.I am not judging and comment on any pieces of the things she doing and feeling.I am saying responsible of ones act and dont blame on what you done if you already realize the consequences.I truly believe that sometimes playing dump is a guilt if u are way smarter that that .Ignorance is no longer a excuse.If you want one .Please get a better one.You deserve better than this !! Wish you well

A month from now I will turning 27.I can feel the aging things seems eating me from inside.Or it doesn't happen but just the fear done the damage.Maybe from now on I should put this things behind which make me getting depressed on that constantly .I regret something have to do it sooner like 10 yrs earlier .I have just missed out and i do feel bad on that.I cant think of that no more ..............